


The Parts of Me

by skywarpie



Category: DC Universe, Doom Patrol (TV)
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, Family Bonding, Family Dynamics, Other, Parent-Child Relationship, Past Abuse, not too in depth though, this isn't a ship fic so please dont consider it that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:48:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21949087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skywarpie/pseuds/skywarpie
Summary: Whatever. He's learned it's best to just give Jane her space. She'll come around eventually. At least he hopes so. Jesus Christ, if she doesn't it's hard to tell how he'll react. He'd give her her boundaries obviously but it wouldn't be any easier.
Relationships: Crazy Jane & Cliff Steele
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43





	The Parts of Me

It's been almost two weeks since they got back from the underground and Jane hasn't made the effort to acknowledge him. Cliff wants to ask her, _beg_ her, to tell him what's wrong. He's fucked up. Yeah he's gotten that part. No one has the right to go snooping in another person's past. His apologies seem to land on deaf ears because each time he tries to tell her how sorry he is he's met with Hammerhead. She's threatened to tear him apart joint by joint on more than one occasion and, yeah okay, that makes sense. If someone were to crawl in his brain and basically learn all his secrets he'd probably be pretty fucking mad too. But he can't shake off the things he saw and heard while there. He's not like the others, he doesn't need to sleep, his brain is literally working twenty-four seven and it's the only thing he can focus on. How could someone do something like that to a kid? Especially their own father. Granted Cliff himself is no father of the year, far from it. But god it infuriates him. If he still had blood it would be boiling with unbridled rage right now. The only thing he can do is punch and lash out at whatever is near him. It's stuff that Doom Manor probably can't afford to replace, but does anyone honestly care at this point. The whole house has been destroyed on more than one occasion. 

Footsteps bound down the hall. They're loud which only means one thing: they belong to Hammerhead. Cliff lifts his head, watching her as she storms by like a force to be reckoned with. A few seconds later a door slams shut. He wants to poke his head out of his own room. He knows what he'll find, he just heard it shut for god-sake. But something in him is saying to go after her. No one deserves to go through bad things alone. Maybe that's just his fatherly instinct kicking in (not like it ever got much practice before). But the more rational side of his brain is saying _you're a fucking idiot for even thinking that_. The last thing he wants is to make this even worse than it already is. God, what he wouldn't give to be able to sigh right now. Something about the gesture has always been calming to him in the past.

Cliff holds himself back. _Fucking idiot. You just always gotta ruin things, don't you?_ No, maybe she just needs a few more days. Weeks, even. It's already been hard enough not being able to even interact with her these past weeks. 

Whatever. He's learned it's best to just give Jane her space. She'll come around eventually. At least he hopes so. Jesus Christ, if she doesn't it's hard to tell how he'll react. He'd give her her boundaries obviously but it wouldn't be any easier.

* * *

Another two weeks passes and Cliff's in his room working on his toy cars and their track. A few buildings in particular have given him an ungodly annoying time. He's managed to put them together at least but the writing on them is as Rita likes to put it "atrocious". A few of the other buildings have nicer handwriting. The Hangman's Daughter helped him out with those and.....god. Cliff shakes his head. He's not going to fucking think about that. Jane has obviously made up her mind and he's glad to respect those boundaries. Still he just wishes...hell who knows what he wishes, he doesn't even know. All he knows is that he fucking misses Jane. 

Theres a racket in the hall and it's most likely either her or Vic doing what ever the fuck it is he does. Then there's a shadow and he raises his head. 

"Cliff!" Babydoll practically jumps into his room. This persona he's used to. Only last time she was afraid of him. "We made you something." She runs up to him with the glee that only a child can possess. She holds out a plate. There's pb&j crust-less triangles on it, usually what he makes for her. 

It takes Cliff a minute. He cycles his optics a couple times before it finally clicks. _It's a peace offering_. "Thanks but uh, I can't eat these." He points to his face. "Robot body and all." _Stupid fucking idiot_. Why did he say that of all things? This is Jane finally trying to reach out to him and this is how he responds?! For christ-sake he'd avoid himself for four weeks too if he could. "Jane..I.." Cliff stops himself. "I'm sorry Babydoll. That was a shit thing to say. Thanks for the sandwiches."

Babydoll giggles. "It's okay. Jane told us you can't eat. We just wanted to surprise you." She grins as she begins to jump up and down.

"Well, consider me surprised." There's a laugh in his voice but that's all there is. He can't move his face to express just _how_ much this simple stupid gesture means to him. Stupid fucking robot body. "I'm glad you're here."

In the time he's been having his internal crisis, Babydoll has seated herself cross-legged on the floor, plate of sandwiches in front of her as she munches on one. She pats the floor beside her with glee and hell, how can Cliff say no to that face. He maneuvers himself to sit on the floor beside her. It's not an easy feat, especially considering he's got the grace of a bull in a China shop. Being made of metal clearly has its perks. When he does finally get himself settled he's pretty sure he's knocked over half of his model set up from jarring the table too much.

There's a long silence that follows and if Cliff were still human he'd probably consider it to be one of the most awkward situations of his life. But he's learned to absorb and enjoy silence since being a robot. Besides silence is good. He can't say something stupid to get himself in trouble again. Something he's always had a knack for. 

"Cliff?"

"Yeah?" The hydraulics in his neck sigh as he turns almost his whole upper body to look at her. Has she been talking to him this whole time? _Shit. Shit. Shit_. He hasn't been listening. God what if she was saying something important? Cliff's inner voice is screaming at him for being so careless. 

Babydoll's finished her sandwich and she's looking up at him with wide eyes. For a brief moment he fears that she'll think he's terrifying again and want him to leave. But no. Instead she scoots closer and rests her head on his shoulder. This has happened once before and Hammerhead was quick to destroy the moment. Something tells him he doesn't have to worry too much about her right now. Jane's been calmer since the incident.

"What's it like being a robot-man?" Cliff isn't sure what he was expecting.. but this wasn't it. 

"It's uh," he stumbles over his words. How are you supposed to explain it? ' _Hi, I'm a robot who used to be a man but now I'm this and I can't feel a fucking thing emotional or physical wise!_ ' "It's different."

"How?" Babydoll pulls away some so it's easier to look up at his face. Her eyes are wide with that curiosity that kids have. 

At this point Cliff can almost feel the sirens in his head screaming. "A lot of ways." It's hard to explain the feeling. He can feel his emotions but there's no way to express them. If he's sad he can't cry. If he's angry sure he can scream and hit something but it doesn't bring relief like the feeling of smashing your own fucking knuckles against a wall does.

He's suddenly painfully aware of how he wants this topic to be dropped. He's always felt pretty sorry for himself since waking up in Niles' basement, but this is different. This is actually opening up to someone and telling them just how much you're missing as a person. But he's not a person anymore and these things shouldn't bother him...but..

"Listen, I just wanted...can you just tell Jane I'm sorry?" God he sounds so defeated just uttering the words and then he realizes he's probably fucked up even more. He told himself he wasn't going to mention this. _Shit. Shit. Fucking shit._ Cliff starts to mentally prepare himself for the outburst that's about to happen.

"She knows."

"What?" His head snaps in her direction. 

"She forgives you. We all do." Babydoll smiles and Cliff immediately feels his chest tighten. It's a phantom feeling but god damn it. If he had a heart he knows it would be skipping beats right about now. "Jane feels safe with you." The voice is so small that he almost misses it entirely. "We all do." 

Cliff blinks. Did he hear right? From the beginning he's made his feelings clear. He cares for her and would gladly do anything to keep her safe (even if it kills him). "Even Hammerhead?" That's probably the stupidest response but he wants the situation to stay calm. The goal isn't to make her talk about anything that happened. 

She nods. "She won't say it but she does." Babydoll giggles and once more Cliff is wishing he could fucking smile. "Don't tell her I said that though. She'll get mad."

"I won't." God this is infuriating. This stupid fucking body won't let him show any emotion and that is literally all he wants to fucking do right now. "I promise." 

Babydoll resettles herself against his shoulder. It occurs to him briefly that he's probably not the most comfortable pillow. He's not warm either so overall...he's basically useless (what else is new?). But Jane still somehow finds him comforting so there has to be something, right? He likes to think so. 

There's a soft sigh and Cliff looks down to see Babydoll fast asleep. So he's comforting and boring, a double threat. He gently maneuvers an arm to rest around her, holding her a little closer but not too tight. "I won't let anything happen to you. I promise."


End file.
